Meeting You. And You. And You.

As i remembered, it was a pleasant evening on the hills. there was a windmill, and i don't effing know where are we that time. all i can recall is the hills, the scandinavian picnic, the soft green grass, and the color of your dress. white.

firstly, i walked into the unknown place, and there you stood beautifully in your white dress. reaching my hands and walk me up the hills. i saw the picnic cloth, with a hell of a picnic foods. we sat to see the sun sets.

while still sitting, we talked, and like always, it was a very nice conversation that i can only have it with you. with you. how much i missed you. we shared so much stories, some are great, some are shitty. some are just wonderful to keep for ourselves.

oh how much i missed you.

i missed you the moment you are gone. how can i say this? it's not love dear, nor obsession. i don't know what is this feeling that kept reminding me of you. i think i missed you.

yes, affirmative. I MISS YOU.

BAPAK. don't worry. i missed you too sir. celebrating Aidilfitri is hard when you are not around giving words of wisdom, share your story with me when the Japanese invaded Malaya, i even remember a story where you have to carry two of your dead friends all the way to the hospital.

it was 20 miles? or more, right? i'm positive.

that is why i looked at you ten feet high, and counting, because, no one has ever told stories as amazing as you do, sir. ok, except my dad. he's just as wise as you. :)

i cried every time i remembered you, and you, and you. thinking how i can cope, without a little hurt. and mainly because i am alive when the other, GONE. it's not the same anymore. i count my family members, friends, and, err, friends. of course i have known so much people. but the numbers doesn't add up.

but you guys are just, awesome. and i am grateful to know all of you awesome peoples.

ok MAMA. :) i missed you too, too. ok enough too. emm, u still didn't tell me how painful the chemo was, or how wonderful it was when you see all of your relatives gather around you at the hospital. MAK LONG, i remember you because you are the PLAYMAKER in our family. you planned all of our birthdays, and you did a wonderful job.

without you, there is ACU. it's fun too, but it's not the same anymore. things are going great, but again, it's not the same anymore. kan? everything is different when your loved ones are gone.

i miss YOU GUYS SO MUCH. and if i get ONE chance to meet you guys again. i WILL NOT follow you, but I WILL, err, scream I LOVE YOU and HUG you till you guys cannot breath. ok just kidding. because i wonder when can i get a chance like that again.

so i'm using all, i mean all the, opportunity i get to, lepaskan rindu to you guys.

ONLY GOD KNOWS, how much i love you guys. and mainly because i think, i will follow your path soon enough. :)